


Method Acting

by storiesfortravellers



Category: White Collar
Genre: Antagonism, Crack, Gen, Humor, Peter and Mozzie Don't Get Along, Role Reversal, Switching Roles for a Case
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-28
Updated: 2014-07-28
Packaged: 2018-02-10 17:45:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2034255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storiesfortravellers/pseuds/storiesfortravellers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Someone connected to their case believes that Mozzie is Agent Peter Burke and thinks that Peter is a paranoid conspiracy theorist thief called Mozzie.</p><p>Mozzie and Peter have to keep up the pretense, and Neal really hopes it goes okay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Method Acting

**Author's Note:**

> For a prompt at comment-fic on livejournal. http://comment-fic.livejournal.com/502683.html?thread=73958811#t77145755

“I’m not sure about this,” the whistleblower said nervously.

Mozzie nodded, shifting uncomfortably in his gray suit. “I understand. But as an agent of the state, I can assure you that I know what’s best for everyone.” 

Peter glared at Mozzie, and Neal quickly changed the subject. “We just want you to know that we care about what you have to say,” he assured the whistleblower.

Mozzie said, “Yes. Because it’s about the transfer of capital, and we Feds have to maintain the structures that uphold hegemonic capitalism. In fact, we couldn’t care less about anything else.”

Peter’s brow creased, and then he smiled, eyes narrow, and said, “Of course, I believe that everyone who actually contributes to society is ‘selling out,’ so I really wouldn’t know anything about that. I mean, I’m terrified to go to a movie without wearing sunglasses. Through the whole movie. I mean, how incredibly ridiculous am I?” Peter chuckled, in false self-deprecation.

Mozzie scowled. “I know, I feel ridiculous myself. I flash my badge around, like everyone is supposed to be impressed that I have something shiny in my hand. Like ‘Ooh, look at me, shiny object!’ It’s like my whole worldview is predicated on the assumption that the hoi polloi have the cognitive capacity of a six month old child.”

Peter’s face tightened. “And I think that it’s perfectly natural to go everywhere in costume and never sleep in the same place two nights in a row, and I like to just assume that people who don’t do that have inferior intellect. It’s because secretly I know my beliefs are asinine and it comforts me to pretend I’m superior to the ‘normals.’” Peter gave an exaggerated shudder then. “Normal people make me want to just curl up in the fetal position and cry.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that,” the whistleblower said, seeming to think that this meeting was somehow turning into the worst therapy session ever.

Before Neal could veer the conversation in a better direction, Mozzie quickly yelled, “It’s been almost 23 minutes since I’ve kidnapped someone because they don’t fit my bourgeois precepts of so-called morality! I mean, I usually call it ‘arresting,’ but seriously, I’m in withdrawal!”

“And I can’t go another minute without accusing someone of being a cartoon villain and making a hat out of tin foil!” Peter said, folding his arms.

“Okay, you know what? I’m gonna come back later…” the whistleblower said and quickly left before they could convince him otherwise.

“Really, guys?” Neal said, frustrated.

“It’s all ‘the Fed’s’ fault,” Peter said sarcastically, gesturing at Mozzie. “He started it.”

“It’s always the Feds’ fault,” Mozzie retorted, “And historically speaking, they started it. In fact, they always start it.”

Neal sighed. He was starting to really hate this case.


End file.
